It wasn't enough
by BODYSONALWAYS
Summary: Lives are changed forever in the aftermath of final battle with the First. The Survivors are forced to discover something about themselves, their actions, and their role in the death of others.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, but I am grateful to be able to play with them for a little while.

There hadn't been enough time to mend the hurt and anger between Buffy and those that had thrown her from her own house days earlier. The final showdown was upon them. None of the potentials nor the Slayer's oldest friends and family, wanted to acknowledge that they had misjudged, hurt, and betrayed their leader for nothing. She had once again proven to them exactly why she had been the Leader for all these years when she killed Caleb, recovered the Slayer ultimate weapon, and still saved the potentials and Faith from a trap. Around her neck she wore the amulet Angel had given her the night before, and held the Scythe in her hand. She knew that Spike thought the amulet was meant for him, but the second it touch the blonde slayer's hand she knew it was hers, her destiny, for one last time.

In stilted, very formal tones, Willow and Buffy had discussed using the Scythe to hopefully unlock the magic that called Slayers, and give it to all of the potentials. Give them the power to fight, to survive, and to be Slayers. Buffy had agreed that having an Army of Slayers going into what felt like the Final Battle would help even the odds a little more. She gave the Witch her weapon stiffly and a little more than hesitantly. She knew that it was the right choice, the only choice, at the point but handing the very thing was her proof that she was, and always will be a Slayer, and a leader, and giving it to the someone that had betrayed her so deeply was hard for the blonde. Resolving herself Buffy pushed the Scythe at the Red head and walked away. She led the rest of her army through the school, sending them to different area to defend.

Buffy could hear her younger self's laughter echoing through the halls as she once again lead the defense of the world against the darkness. There were so many memories within these halls, yet not these same halls. This was the place that she had made friends. Where she had made peace with being a Slayer and her destiny. It was on this ground that she had found love, and loss, but none of that matter right then. She had a mission to complete, a world to save, and people to keep alive. She didn't have time for the past, or the pain that made her soul ache. She didn't have the time to feel the betrayal, or hear her the apologies of her people. As she walked down the halls once more she steeled herself to that grief, for she knew if she didn't' the battle would be lost before it had even began. She could hear the nervous chatter, and frantic whispers from the girls as they ventured closer to the hell mouth. This was their first apolocylse. The first time that the world's fate truly sat on their shoulders. They were finally beginning to understand the weight that had been upon Buffy's shoulder for so many years.

The final barrier between them and their prey was suddenly in front of them. Buffy felt their terror but didn't feel it herself. Just like every time she marched towards almost guaranteed death she felt a strange calm wash over her. She turned around and stared at the teenage girls she was leading into this fight. Faith was standing beside her sister slayer giving her silent support and a rare show of solidary between the Chosen Two, as she too stared at the teenagers. No words were spoken. What could be said at that moment? Any words of encouragement or talks of everyone staying alive would be a lie, and there had been too many of those spoken recently. They all knew the score, and they all accepted that this might be the last time they would have together with everyone. With a nod they opened the door and marched determinedly down the stairs and toward their fate, wither it be victory or defeat. Life or death.

The moment that each of the Potentials turned into Full Slayers Buffy saw that belief that they could win, could survive this war, for the first time in the eyes of the girls. It was suddenly very possible that this wasn't their end. Kennedy rushed in and handed off the Scythe back to the blonde Slayer, back to its rightful owner. All of the girls had never felt so connected or as powerful as they did in that moment. They didn't feel alone. Buffy and Faith felt the weight of being the Savior lessen. They didn't have to save the world alone anymore.

The battle raged, and the slayers fought with such ferocity and power that even the First felt it. Just as another of the new slayers fell to the ground Buffy felt the amulet begin to burn. She called for a retreat. One by one the girls filed back up the stairs, picking up their fallen sisters, the injured and dead. Faith stayed. She stared at her sister slayer waiting for the blonde to start running with them. To survive with them. Spike was pulling on Faith's arm, pleading for her to run but she couldn't leave her. Not again. She wouldn't abandon her. She screamed Buffy's name causing the other to break her gaze from the Ubervamp she just dusted. She saw acceptance for her fate in Buffy's eyes, just tired acceptance. This rocked Faith to the core. Buffy had always been the stronger of two. She knew her place in world, and always fought to survive, but not this time. Buffy had known that she was going to die. "Go Faith. You are the Chosen One now. Take care of my friends, and Dawn for me…GO!" Buffy's command shocked Faith enough to let Spike lead her up the stairs.

They ran down the hallways just as the world started to crumble around them. They were lucky the storm clouds blocked out the sun long enough for Faith and Spike to get safely inside the speeding bus leading them to safety. No one spoke as the each held on and watched as Sunnydale quickly crumbled and sunk into the Earth all around them. Each of them kept an eye out for the blonde slayer to suddenly pop out and be reunited with them. None of them thought that they had truly lost her. Not really. Not Buffy. She had been their center of gravity, their connection, their protector, and their friend for so many years. They had made it out of impossible odds before because of her, but she always made it out with them. When the crumbling stopped Woods stopped the bus. They all filed off and just stared into the pit that they used to call home. Anya held Xander as the man fell to his knees screaming Buffy's name, almost pleading with the air for her to be alive.

It was in a quiet moment when Xander's scream echoes died away that a rush of power flowed through the Slayers. Dawn, Woods, Giles, Willow, Xander and Anya all stared at each of the girls fought for breath for a moment, before one by one they sagged against one another, saddened and exhausted. Their powers were gone. They were simply potential once again. Kennedy raged against the bus, but everyone ignored her as Faith's gaze filled with tears as she stared into the pit. "She' really gone." The Wild Slayer's voice was a trembling whisper. The connection, that pull, that Faith had always felt with Buffy, even when she went evil, was gone. They had felt her death. Faith fell to her knees not noticing her tears. Buffy was dead.

"NO! BUFFY!" Dawn wailed fighting Giles trying to make her way to the pit, back to her sister. There had been so many things left unsaid. The apologies, and the I love yous. They had all believed that there would have been time after; there had always been time after. So many hateful, hurtful things were said and done, and could never been forgiven now, never apologized for. They had lost her, and it was all their fault. Each of them, even Kennedy, felt the guilt of their words and actions. She died saving the world again, and this time it was for the final time. Willow slipped to her knees, while Dawn sagged against Giles sobbing.

The old Watcher tried to comfort the teenager but his own sobs were making it difficult. He had never got around to telling Buffy that she was like a daughter to him, that he had always been so proud of her, and that he had loved her very much. He always meant to tell her how much she had taught him, and how no Watcher could ask for a better Slayer, but he didn't. He had always thought there would be more time. His last words to her were cruel, and a calculated pain. He had known which words would wield the most pain for his slayer, and he had thrown them back at her. Regret made his pain worse. He felt his guilt. He had lost his daughter, and his Slayer. This was his fault.

Xander allowed Anya to hold him while he cried. He wasn't ashamed of his tears, they were for Buffy. She had taught him about standing up for what he believed in no matter the odds. She made him brave. She had become much more to him than a best friend over the years. She had become his sister, and now she was gone. He never got to tell her that. Never go to thank her for all she had done for him. He cried harder at the betrayal he saw in her eyes that last night. He knew what they had done was wrong, but he had been hurt and angry. He had always meant to tell her that he was sorry. He had always intended to tell her how much she meant to him, and how much he loved her. He thought they would have more time. Now she will never know. He had lost his best friend. This was his fault.

Willow barely felt Kennedy rocking her to help with her grief, but it wasn't helping. The pain she was feeling was drowning her soul. It felt as if she had lost a part of herself. Buffy had made her confident in herself. She gave her the boost to take the world on, and not hide behind her fears. She gave her the strength to be herself. She always assumed Buffy knew how much she meant to her, how much she cherished their friendship. She regretted her decision to turn against Buffy the moment the Blonde had walked out of the door. The pain and betrayal bright in her eyes nearly made the witch follow her, and beg her to forgive her right them. It was her twisted sense of justice that made her not go after her. She felt that it was the right thing, but the wrong way. Now she knew it was the wrong thing to do. Buffy was their leader, they shouldn't have questioned it, and now she was gone. Willow's guilt over her harsh words cut her to the core. She had lost her best friend. This was all her fault.

Dawn wanted to blame Buffy for dying again, for leaving her alone again, but she couldn't. It was their words, her words, which drove the blond slayer away before the final battle. She used her sister's insecurities and weakness against her in a way neither sister ever thought possible. Dawn had felt sure that the betrayal and wounds that they had inflicted on Buffy would be smoothed over after the battle. When in the Bliss of the aftermath raged, Dawn had planned on telling her sister how sorry she was, and how much she loved her. She had planned on telling her how proud she was to have Buffy for a sister, and that she hadn't meant what she had said. Not really. She had planned on hugging her older sister, the one that had died for her, and protected her all her life, until they each cried and loved each other once again. But…that wouldn't happen now. She will never be able to tell her all those things. Buffy will never see Dawn grow up, get married, and have kids. Never again will they fight over Dawn borrowing Buffy's clothes only to make up over ice crème. She will never be able to wipe the look of betrayal, pain, and hopelessness that had flooded her sister's eyes when they had attacked her with their cruel words out of her mind. Her sister had died for her once, and this is how she repaid her. She drove her to die once again. She had lost her sister, and the guilt was crushing her. It was her fault.

Faith felt raw power flow into her. She knew immediately what it was and what it truly meant. The tears that she had managed to banish came and refused to be stopped. Rivers ran down her cheeks but the dark haired slayer couldn't move as her grief slammed into her. The last time she had felt that much raw power was when she was first called. It wasn't until she had switched bodies with Buffy that she truly realized just how much stronger and more powerful Buffy was. Since she was the Original slayer she received that entire Slayer bundle of power. When Kendra was called she received less, and Faith even less. It wasn't until that power washed over her as she stared into the pit that she truly believed Buffy was gone, and she was now the Chosen one. Despite feeling Buffy's death moments before she didn't' truly believe, not until just that moment. If she hadn't come back, maybe the others wouldn't have rebelled against Buffy. Maybe if she had fought harder to save Buffy down in the Pit, she would be alive. Faith thought of the tried acceptance in the other Slayer's eyes. Maybe if she had never gone evil, and the two had shared the slaying all these years Buffy wouldn't have been so ready to die. She felt the guilt washing over her. She glanced around at the mourning friends of the Fallen slayer. She took in their tears and wails and became angry.

This is what they had wanted wasn't it, not to be bothered by the Blonde Slayer any longer. They had thrown her leadership, friendship, and love for them in her face while forcing her from her home. Her own home. They knew what they were doing. Faith knew that she and Buffy hadn't always seen eye to eye, or always fought for the same team, but in the end, these last few months they were united, and friends once again. They had dealt with their issues, and moved past their suspicions and envy of one another. They had been close in ways that only a few in this life would ever know. They had become closer than blood. They were Slayer Sisters. The others didn't deserve the right to grieve for her. They had betrayed her when she had needed their support the most.

She stomped back to the bus to grab the cigarettes from her jacket and to check on Spike. She needed to get away from the others for a moment. She slipped silently on the stolen bus and made sure that Spike was safely hidden under a blanket while he was unconscious. Satisfied with he was taken care of; she quickly located her trademarked leather jacket. She searched through the jackets carefully controlling the anger and left over adrenaline that was still coursing through her, not wanting to accidently rip her precious jacket. She finally dug out her pack and noticed that there was paper wrapped around it. She quickly spied her name written in Buffy's neat script. Stunned she unwrapped the note slowly unsure if she truly wanted to know the Slayer's last words to her. She wondered as she unfolded the letter if she would be strong enough to read it. Steeling herself she took a deep breath and finally focused on the words.

"Faith,

I am so thankful that we had this second chance to get to know each other these past few months. I am so glad that we able to move past everything in our past, and become as close as we were meant to be. The others will never understand, no one beside Slayers will understand, how we feel. You are more than my friend. You are my sister, my sister Slayer.

I knew that I wouldn't survive this last trip down into the Hellmouth, and there is no one I would rather have my back than you. Whistler came to me and told me that it was my destiny, my final destiny, to use the amulet. I have to admit that I am thankful. I'm so tired Faith, so tired. I'm tired of the pain, of the fighting, and of the darkness. Remember how we laughed all those years ago when Spike told us that every Slayer had a Death Wish that one day would get her killed. I never believed that until, I came back from Heaven. All I wanted to do was go back, be back at peace. But I couldn't. There was no one to protect this world. I couldn't leave them defenseless, not again. So I took up my mantle, and pushed heaven away. I tried to become what they needed, wanted, me to be again. I guess it wasn't enough for them. But that is okay, because you know what in the end it is always comes down to the Slayer. Always. Don't let what they did to me, stop you from trusting other people. Also remember that just because I'm gone, doesn't mean you will never see me again. We are connected, Faith. Connected by soul and magic. I still see past Slayers in my dreams, and you will too. We will always be with you, and be apart of you. Always.

In the end it wasn't Whistler telling me about the amulet that allowed me to let go, to accept my destiny once again. No, in the end it was you. I saw you grown, and become the Slayer I knew you could always be. I saw a Hero in you. I knew that you could handle being the Chosen One. I have every faith in you. You will be a great Slayer Faith, I know it. Be brave, Faith, and believe in yourself. I do. Thank you. Remember that I love you.

Goodbye, Sister.

Buffy"

Faith hardly noticed the tears that marked her cheeks. She couldn't believe that Buffy had that much faith in her, had believed in her that much. Faith thoughts were interrupted by the others filing onto the bus ready to get as far away from the sight of their shame and tragedy. It was in that moment that Faith truly realized something. The Scooby's, Buffy's friends, didn't love Buffy, not really. Not enough to let her go, or enough to follow her when the chips were truly down. Not like Faith had come to, and Buffy had realized it too. She realized that they didn't love her enough to keep her here anymore, but she loved Faith enough to entrust her with saving the world. Faith smiled sadly and vowed as the scenery passed her by that she wouldn't let down the blonde. She wouldn't let down her legacy again. She would become the Slayer that she was meant to, that Buffy saw in her, and the one she always wanted to be.

The end

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